Before GAMMA I felt very alone and I often struggled with depression and shame. I am married to a woman, but I am attracted to other men. My wife has been, and still is, my best friend.
I've worked so hard to fit in, to do the right thing and to be seen as straight. I strived to be the good son, good husband and good father but there was always something missing in my life.
I was desperately looking for a way to safely meet other men like me. All of my life I've lived as a straight man but have often wondered what it would be like to have a close personal relationship with another man. I was searching for a way to connect with other men that was not necessarily sexual but definitely intimate.
I wanted to have fun with men, go on hikes, bike rides or go on float trips. I wanted the real me to be accepted. I longed to be able to share my feelings with other men in a safe, non-threatening environment.
So, I timidly called GAMMA to find out more information and then it took me about three months to get up the courage to attend my first meeting.
From the start I felt very welcomed by the group. I have met some great guys at GAMMA that I can relate to. I've developed friendships and plan to continue to attend GAMMA meetings because I know they know what I'm going through.
Each man's journey is unique and no one there has pressured me in any way to come out. At this point, I may never decide to come out to my family or friends. I always say that I am completely out to my GAMMA friends. At the meeting, and during the fellowship afterward, I can truly be myself and begin the process of accepting me just as I am, in hopes that one day I may be comfortable sharing who I really am with the world.
In the mean time, let's just say, I look forward to GAMMA Thursdays!